How to Deal with Being Ghosted: A Guide to Navigating the Silence

We’ve all been there—one moment, everything is going great, and the next, someone you’ve been chatting with, dating, or even befriending, suddenly disappears. No texts, no calls, no explanations. Just silence. Welcome to the world of being ghosted. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a close friend, or someone you’ve been getting to know, being ghosted can sting. But how do you cope with it? Let’s talk about how to handle being ghosted with grace, self-respect, and understanding.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Being ghosted can trigger a lot of emotions—confusion, frustration, sadness, or even anger. These feelings are valid, and it’s important to give yourself the time and space to feel them. It’s okay to be upset. However, the key is not to let these emotions dictate your next steps. Take a moment to process what happened, but don’t let it consume you. Being ghosted is a reflection of the other person’s behavior, not your worth.

2. Don’t Take It Personally

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that being ghosted means there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you said something wrong, weren’t interesting enough, or just didn’t measure up. But here’s the truth: ghosting is often a reflection of the person doing the ghosting, not you. They might be dealing with their own issues, avoiding confrontation, or simply not knowing how to handle difficult situations. It’s not about your value as a person, even though it can certainly feel that way.

3. Resist the Urge to Chase

One of the hardest parts of being ghosted is the temptation to keep reaching out. You might send texts, make calls, or check in on social media, hoping for a response. But here’s the reality: If someone is ghosting you, they’re likely not interested in engaging with you. Continuously chasing after them can make you feel worse and may push them further away. Instead of obsessing over their silence, focus on yourself. Invest that energy in activities that bring you joy or in your personal growth.

4. Give Yourself Closure

Closure is a powerful tool when dealing with ghosting. You may never get the answers you’re looking for, and that’s okay. Sometimes, closure has to come from within. Reflect on the situation, and recognize that it’s not your responsibility to make someone communicate with you if they don’t want to. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and that someone who truly values you won’t leave you hanging.

5. Set Boundaries for the Future

If you’ve been ghosted once, it might be easier to let it slide. But if it happens repeatedly, it’s time to set clear boundaries for yourself moving forward. You don’t owe anyone your time and energy, especially if they don’t reciprocate. Establishing emotional boundaries can help protect your heart from unnecessary hurt. In future relationships, take note of how people communicate early on—do they follow through? Are they respectful of your time and feelings? Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.

6. Reflect on the Situation (But Don’t Dwell)

If you feel ready to reflect on the ghosting, do so without overanalyzing. Was there a red flag you missed? Did you possibly misread the signs of interest? It’s important to learn from every experience, but remember, everyone is human, and relationships can be messy. Avoid getting stuck in “what ifs.” Instead, focus on how you can approach future relationships in a healthier, more self-assured way.

7. Surround Yourself with Support

If you’re feeling down after being ghosted, turn to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking it out with someone who cares can provide comfort and clarity. They can remind you of your worth, help you see the bigger picture, and prevent you from internalizing the ghosting experience too much.

8. Embrace Your Worth

The most important thing to remember is this: You are worthy of respect, communication, and love. Being ghosted does not change that. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d give to a friend who was going through the same thing. Allow yourself to heal and move forward knowing that someone who truly values you will never leave you in the dark.

Final Thoughts: Moving On with Confidence

Being ghosted can feel like a punch to the gut, especially when you didn’t see it coming. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a painful experience, but it’s also an opportunity for personal growth. Use this time to focus on yourself, to remind yourself of your worth, and to seek out relationships that are built on mutual respect and communication.

If you’ve been ghosted, take a deep breath, acknowledge your feelings, and remember: You’re amazing, and the right people will never leave you hanging.

Dating - Red Flags!

When you're newly dating someone, it's exciting, but it's important to be aware of any red flags that could signal potential issues. Working with your own personal matchmaker allows you to address concerns with an unbiased and experienced colleague. Here are some red flags to watch out for:

Inconsistent Communication:

• If they’re hot and cold with their attention—being super attentive one day and then distant for days—it could indicate that they’re not emotionally available or serious about the relationship.

Disrespectful Behavior:

• Any form of disrespect, whether it's towards you, other people, or even in the way they speak about exes or family members, should not be ignored.

Lack of Accountability:

• If they constantly deflect blame or make excuses for their mistakes and rarely take responsibility for their actions, it might be a sign of immaturity or emotional avoidance.

Overly Controlling:

• Pay attention if they try to control aspects of your life, like who you spend time with, what you wear, or where you go. Healthy relationships respect each other’s independence.

Push for Quick Commitment:

• Someone who is rushing you into a serious relationship, or insisting on labels too quickly, may be pushing things forward for reasons that have more to do with their own needs or insecurities than building a healthy relationship.

Excessive Jealousy:

• A little jealousy is normal, but if they react strongly or inappropriately when you interact with others, that’s a sign of insecurity and could lead to possessiveness.

They’re Always Talking About Themselves:

• If they don’t show much interest in getting to know you or never ask about your life and feelings, it could signal self-centeredness or lack of empathy.

Red Flags from Past Relationships:

• If they speak poorly or with anger about all their exes, it might indicate unresolved issues or a pattern of problematic behavior in past relationships.

Substance Abuse or Addiction:

• If you notice any signs of dependency on alcohol, drugs, or other substances, this could be a significant issue that impacts their behavior and your relationship.

Not Respecting Boundaries:

• If they ignore your personal boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or mental—this is a major red flag.

Gaslighting or Manipulation:

• If they make you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions, it could be a form of emotional manipulation. This can be very damaging over time.

Lack of Trust or Privacy:

• Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If they’re constantly snooping through your phone, questioning your whereabouts, or showing signs of distrust without reason, it’s a red flag.

Do any of these resonate with you, or is there something more specific you're concerned about?

Love Languages - Which are You?

The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages, and it refers to the different ways people give and receive love. According to Chapman, everyone has a primary love language that speaks most deeply to them, but they may also appreciate other languages. Here are the five main types:

1. Words of Affirmation

• Description: This love language involves expressing love through words—compliments, praise, words of encouragement, and verbal affection. People with this love language feel most loved when they hear affirming words from their partner.

• Examples: Saying "I love you," "You did a great job," or "I appreciate you."

• How to Tell: You may feel deeply fulfilled by compliments or feel hurt when others don’t acknowledge your efforts. If positive affirmations resonate with you, this could be your primary love language.

2. Acts of Service

• Description: For people with this love language, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved when their partner helps out or does something for them, such as making a meal, helping with chores, or taking care of something on their behalf.

• Examples: Running errands for your partner, helping them with work, or taking on responsibilities to lighten their load.

• How to Tell: You feel most loved when someone takes the time to do something for you without being asked. You might also express love by doing helpful things for others.

3. Receiving Gifts

• Description: People with this love language feel loved when they receive thoughtful gifts. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive; it’s the thought and effort behind the gift that matters most.

• Examples: Giving a surprise gift, flowers, or something that shows you've been thinking about the person.

• How to Tell: You feel special when someone gives you a meaningful gift, and you tend to give gifts as a way of showing your love. Small, meaningful tokens can mean a lot to you.

4. Quality Time

• Description: People with this love language value undivided attention. They feel most loved when their partner makes time to be with them and gives them their full focus.

• Examples: Going on a walk together, having deep conversations, or spending time together without distractions like phones or TV.

• How to Tell: You feel loved when your partner spends uninterrupted time with you. You prefer spending time together over receiving gifts or hearing words of affirmation.

5. Physical Touch

• Description: For individuals with this love language, physical affection is a key way to show love. They feel most connected when they receive physical touch like hugs, kisses, holding hands, or cuddling.

• Examples: Holding hands, kissing, hugging, or sitting close to each other.

• How to Tell: You feel loved through physical connection and can sometimes feel disconnected or unloved without physical touch.

How to Tell Which Love Language You Are:

1. Reflect on Past Relationships: Think about how you felt most loved in past relationships. Did you feel happiest when your partner expressed their feelings verbally, when they helped you out, or when you spent quality time together?

2. Observe Your Reactions: Notice how you react to different ways people show affection. Do you feel more loved when your partner helps you with tasks, when they buy you gifts, or when they just spend time with you?

3. Ask Yourself How You Express Love: How do you typically show love to others? If you tend to compliment people, you might have Words of Affirmation. If you enjoy doing things for others, Acts of Service might be your primary language.

Each person may have a combination of love languages, but identifying your primary love language can help you communicate better with your partner and strengthen your relationships.

Does any of these resonate with you more than others?

How to Meet Singles When You’re Too Shy to Talk to the Opposite Sex

Meeting new people can be daunting, especially if you identify as shy or feel intimidated by the prospect of approaching someone you're attracted to. However, there are plenty of ways to connect with singles without feeling overwhelmed. Here are some effective strategies to help you break through your shyness and start building meaningful connections.

1. Hire a Matchmaker!

Matchmaking can be a game-changer for shy individuals. If you haven’t had much luck talking to the opposite sex, allow someone else to do it! Our matchmakers are pros at navigating the dating scene for you: introducing matches, setting up your dates, and getting feedback for you afterwards. Matchmakers are like personal assistants for the dating world.

2. Join Group Activities or Classes

Participating in group activities can provide a comfortable environment to meet new people. Consider joining classes related to your hobbies, such as cooking, dancing, or art. This eases the pressure of one-on-one conversations because you’ll have a shared interest to discuss, and naturally build connections over time.

3. Attend Social Events with Friends

Having a support system can significantly ease your nerves when socializing. Attend gatherings, parties, or events with friends who can introduce you to new people. Being in a familiar environment with someone you trust can make it easier to engage in conversation with others.

4. Volunteer for a Cause You Care About

Volunteering is a fantastic way to meet like-minded individuals while contributing to a cause you believe in. When you work alongside others for a shared purpose, it can create a relaxed atmosphere that fosters connections. Plus, it gives you something to talk about naturally.

5. Leverage Social Media and Community Groups

Use social media to join groups and forums that focus on your interests, whether it’s local sports, book clubs, or hiking groups. Engaging in discussions online can help you build camaraderie, making it easier to meet in person. Once you’re comfortable, consider attending meetups organized by these groups.

6. Practice the Art of Small Talk

Small talk may seem simple, but it’s a powerful tool for breaking the ice. Practice asking open-ended questions that encourage conversation. Start with light topics, like comments about a shared environment or current events. This can help ease the transition into deeper conversations once you’re comfortable.

7. Attend Meetups or Networking Events

Look for local meetups that align with your interests or professional goals. These events not only allow you to meet new people but also provide structured activities that reduce the pressure of solo interactions. Engaging in group discussions or activities can help you connect more organically.

8. Utilize Icebreaker Games

If you’re attending social events or gatherings, suggest icebreaker games that encourage participants to mingle and interact. Games can create a fun, relaxed atmosphere that encourages shyer individuals to engage without feeling pressured.

9. Take Breaks and Reflect

Understand that it’s okay to take breaks and reflect after social interactions. If you feel anxious, find a quiet spot to regroup and recharge before diving back in. Recognizing your own emotional needs can help reduce overall anxiety in social situations.

10. Seek Professional Help or Join Support Groups

If shyness significantly impacts your life, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist. Additionally, support groups can provide a safe space to share experiences and challenges while learning strategies to navigate social situations more comfortably.

Meeting singles when you're shy doesn't have to be an intimidating challenge. By taking gradual steps, leveraging shared interests, and utilizing supportive environments, you can build your confidence and foster meaningful connections. Remember, everyone has their own journey when it comes to social interactions, and taking small steps can lead to big changes in your dating life! Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone—you might be pleasantly surprised by the connections you make.

10 Fantastic Date Ideas for Southern Oregon

Southern Oregon is renowned for its stunning landscapes, vibrant culture, and welcoming communities, making it an ideal location for memorable first dates. Whether you’re looking for adventure, relaxation, or a touch of romance, here are ten of the best date ideas to help you impress your special someone. Some of these are great first date ideas - some are more appropriate for 2nd or 3rd dates. Read on, and be inspired!

1. Explore Crater Lake National Park

Kick off your date with a visit to Crater Lake National Park, home to the deepest lake in the United States. Enjoy breathtaking views from the Rim Drive, or take a leisurely hike on one of the short trails. Pack a picnic to enjoy at one of the scenic overlooks for a romantic touch.

2. Wine Tasting in the Rogue Valley

Southern Oregon is famous for its wine country. Spend a day vineyard-hopping in the Rogue Valley, sampling local wines at charming wineries. Many offer picturesque outdoor seating where you can soak in the views while getting to know each other.

3. Scenic Drive on the Rogue River

Take a leisurely drive along the Rogue River, known for its stunning scenery and opportunities for stops. Head to the scenic viewpoint at Hellgate Canyon or stop for an adventure like white-water rafting or jet boating if you're up for some excitement.

4. Visit a Local Farmers Market

Experience the local culture by visiting one of Southern Oregon’s farmers markets, such as the Ashland or Medford market. Stroll through the booths, sample delicious produce, and pick up ingredients to cook a meal together later.

5. Attend a Play or Concert

Check out the local arts scene by attending a performance at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland or a live concert at a local venue. Enjoying the arts together can spark interesting conversations and create a memorable experience.

6. Hike to a Waterfall

Southern Oregon is dotted with beautiful waterfalls. Plan a hike to places like Toketee Falls or Silver Falls State Park, where you can enjoy the beauty of nature, engage in conversation, and revel in the shared experience of exploration.

7. Take a Cooking Class Together

Cooking classes can be a fun and interactive way to bond. Look for local culinary schools or workshops that offer classes in making local cuisine. You’ll not only learn something new but also enjoy a delicious meal together afterward.

8. Visit the Oregon Caves National Monument

For a unique first date, head to the Oregon Caves National Monument. Explore the stunning marble caves on a guided tour, followed by a hike on the scenic trails in the surrounding area. This experience is sure to leave a lasting impression.

9. Relax at Lithia Park

Nestled in Ashland, Lithia Park offers beautiful gardens, walking trails, and serene spots perfect for a relaxed date. You can pack a blanket, bring some snacks, and enjoy a leisurely afternoon under the trees or by the pond.

10. Go for a Bike Ride

Rent bikes and explore the Rogue River Greenway, a scenic path that winds along the river. With stunning views, this activity encourages conversation and can lead to fun adventures as you discover new spots together along the way.

Southern Oregon offers a wealth of unique and romantic options for first dates. Whether you choose to explore nature, enjoy local culture, or engage in fun activities, these date ideas provide a great backdrop for building connections and enjoying each other’s company. So grab your date and embark on a new adventure in this beautiful part of the world!

How to Win and Keep Someone's Heart

People are simple creatures when it comes to the heart; we just want to love and be loved. When you find that special person, and you genuinely enjoy their company and have an attraction, do what you can do to not let go! Here are some simple tips that can keep the flame going…

• Be appreciative

• Communicate

• Don’t make comparisons to your ex

• Only expect what you’re prepared to give yourself

• Make time

• Be open-minded

• Care!

Pretty simple, yet at the same time, not so easy. Pick one a day, a week, a month, and work on it wholeheartedly. You’ll notice a difference!

Striking up a conversation!

Remember that time you were at the dog park making eyes at the cutie on the bench amidst the romping of your dogs, rolling and chewing on each other? And rather than talking to him or her, you went home and told all of your friends? That’s a missed opportunity!

Whether you’re in the freezer aisle at the grocery store or in the buffet line at your favorite local fundraiser, you should be able to strike up a conversation, introduce yourself and make small talk – without an agenda.

Get ready to throw out your net and start bringing them in!

Begin with the way that you enter a room. Make eye contact, smile, stand up straight and quit leaving your house when you feel like a train wreck. Looking like a train wreck is sometimes fine – when you smile and exude confidence (and often it's only YOU that thinks you look like a train wreck).

Informal conversations in public spaces can be the trickiest to handle, but remember that like-for-like can get you through the first bit of awkward exchanges: “Yes! I know what you mean. It’s freezing isn’t it?”

Here are some successful conversation starters:

• Before attending an event, be sure to purchase a current local newspaper. Familiarize yourself with current local events and spend a minute on the topics that interest you – it will enable you to offer genuine input into a conversation.
• Look at the 10-day forecast and familiarize yourself with what’s coming. Don’t minimize the ease and worth in discussing the weather. You’ll be surprised how often it leads to broader conversations.
• Talk about the venue. Ask, “Have you been here before?” or “Where are the loos?”—remember, questions demand an answer, and before you know it, you’re having a conversation.
• Ask about the host or who else you know. You were both invited by someone. Hopefully they’ll say something interesting and you can inquire further.

Simple introduction etiquette:

• The standard “Hi, my name is Jane Doe” is perfectly acceptable. But don’t be tempted to get personal before they have a chance to interject. Avoid saying “Hi, my name is Jane Doe. What do you do?” Most people don’t want to be defined by their career.
• Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know anyone, or that you’re nervous or shy. People typically appreciate honesty and sincerity!
• When making small talk in public, you should not be discussing the following topics: politics, religion, salaries, breast implants, hairy bits, Afghanistan and soap operas (there’s probably more!). You should also refrain from discussing anything that’s still an open wound: divorce, death, depression, etc. It could ruin an evening and opportunity if you burst unexpectedly into tears. In these cases, just politely say, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
• Try not to cover too much ground in too little time. If you ramble on like an idiot – you will likely sound like an idiot. Remember that conversation is meant to be like ping pong: it goes back and forth. It’s an equal balance of about you and about them – and if you never get an opportunity to talk about you, then the selfish person you’re talking with probably isn’t the kind of person you want to be with anyway. Interject and wait for the bite. Try more than once, then accept that they’re either terrible conversationalists or they don’t care. Either way – you have to choose what to do next.
• If you stumble? Nice people will help you to fill the natural silences that sometimes come with healthy conversation. Help may also come in the form of gaffer tape to silence you.

Providing contact information:

In this day and age, our cell phones ring nonstop and our email inbox gets bombarded with spam. Consider developing an email that you can provide when networking (if you’re uncomfortable giving out your phone number). Send people to your email and simply say, “I would really like to talk with you more. I’m not yet comfortable giving you my phone number, but I would really love to hear from you!” They don’t have to know that you’re giving them your newbie email address. And trust me, if your relationship progresses – they’ll likely appreciate this level of privacy.

Recipe for LOVE!

A lesson from my grandmother, Margaret: she is patient, kind, proper and full of LOVE.

My grandmother is the type of person that doesn’t say much, but you can tell she’s always thinking. And when she does say something, it has weight and you want to listen. As a child, I can recall hearing her say the sweetest things and rarely becoming upset about anything. She baked cookies, took me for walks, taught me to ride horses and so much more!

At the time she made me feel like I was the only thing in her life that existed. She was always in my corner, rooting me on and showering me with unconditional love and praise.

Fast-forward 30 years and I strive to be like her every day. But I also recognize that she probably wasn’t the best at fostering a loving relationship with my grandfather.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in our children and grandchildren. It’s natural. But we can’t lose sight of our significant others. They have needs too, and I suspect that we have all been guilty of neglecting them to an extent – especially when we consider the miles that we’d go for those little ones.

So, for the sake of a healthy relationship, try these simple daily ingredients and enjoy the results (that’s right, every day!):

• Offer a random compliment (you look nice, not thank you for taking out the trash).
• Offer a gesture of love during a time that you wouldn’t normally (a smooch as you sit down for dinner, coffee in bed, or a brief morning cuddle before rushing to the shower for work).
• Weekly, or at least bi-weekly, schedule a date night (with or without friends, appetizers at happy hour, a walk in the park, or a matinee movie) – but do it together, and be able to count on it happening.

Do these simple things, if you’re not already, and enjoy the results. It’s easy to slip into a routine and forget about the emotional needs of our significant other. It’s also easy to remind them with these simple ingredients that we love them and appreciate them, and that we haven’t forgotten about them while we bustle about through life.

by Jamie Leigh for Invitation Only Matchmaking

5 Benefits of Courtship

Courtship is not often mentioned in this era. It is a stage of romance that seems to belong to a dim and distant past, along with chaperones and drawing room dates. However, while chaperones are not expected to make a comeback within the dating culture of the twenty-first century, courtship has certain advantages that should not be ignored.

 Here are five benefits of courtship:

 1. Courtship gets families and others involved. While dating today is often an exclusively one-on-one scenario that excludes all others, courtship is more public and more inclusive. The couple is expected to spend time with each other’s families as well as close friends and others (work and church friends, for example). This is healthy and helps the couple to transition to social life as a married couple (if that happens).

 2. Courtship introduces a measure of formality into the relationship. It is obviously much less formal than engagement; there is no commitment involved. However, it is a little more formal than simply dating. It is a semi-public announcement that two people are exploring the possibility of a future together. This helps everyone concerned – the couple and all those within their circle – to focus seriously on the relationship and give it room to grow.

 3. Courtship sets planning in motion. Though there is no commitment and therefore no certainty, courtship allows everyone to begin considering future options. This eliminates the surprise element of engagement that sometimes occurs today, when family members and friends are completely unaware that the couple is approaching engagement and therefore are taken aback when they hear the news.

 4. Courtship eliminates the social awkwardness that sometimes surrounds invitations to dating couples for special occasions (Christmas and Easter family dinners, and so on). When two people are dating, often friends and family do not know how serious the relationship is and whether they should treat the two as a couple for social purposes. Courtship makes the couple status of the two perfectly clear.

 5. Courtship provides some clarity for the romantic partners. In today’s society, often romance develops between individuals from different cultural backgrounds. A dating relationship may mean different things in different cultures, resulting in possible confusion about the development of the relationship. In contrast, courtship is slightly more formal and therefore is more easily understood across cultures.

 The way romantic partners relate to one another in the months/years leading up to marriage has changed enormously over the past fifty years. Courtship is not likely to be restored to the place it once occupied in the romantic life of our society, but it has certain benefits that unmarried couples should carefully consider.

By Jamie Leigh, for Invitation Only Matchmaking

Duck and run!

There you are, perusing the makeup aisle or if you are like me, trying to decide if you want the feminine hygiene product with wings (true story), when you see them: the ex, the ex’s new squeeze or that person you just can’t stand. Awkward! Oh, you are in a pickle. Do you grab the first thing you see and make your exit? Do you pretend they don’t exist with the obvious ignore? Or, do you make your stand, be cordial and acknowledge their presence? Here is a rundown of some possible options:

• Duck and run! You know this one, it’s the one where you were lucky enough to spot them before they saw you and you were able to make a clean getaway.
• The fake out. Your cell phone conveniently appears in your hand and you begin an animated conversation about how amazing last night was.
• Stare down. This one is a toughie. It could go a couple different ways. Scenario one: you make eye contact and awkwardly stare at each other for ten seconds while you both process what you should do. You ultimately turn on your heel and stalk away. Scenario two: you make eye contact and awkwardly stare at each other for ten seconds and the both of you try to talk at the same time. Double awkward. If you really hate the person, this is your chance to chuck something at them and run. Just kidding! We are all adults here, don’t tell me the thought hasn’t crossed your mind a time or two. Ultimately, you sheepishly say hello and continue on with your shopping…..at the other side of the store.
• High school rerun. Perhaps the worst type of encounter you can have with a past person of importance. Why you ask? Oh, that would be the super bubbly babble about everything you have been up since the last time you saw them with a smidgen of I still miss you thrown in for good measure (surely none of you fit this category?).

It is bound to happen sooner or later. We live in Southern Oregon. Well, unless you just moved here from somewhere across the states or an ocean. In that case, congratulations! You have a clean slate. But really, the question is how should you work through these inevitable situations? You could always try one of the above options, but, what if you were able to walk through any aisle, go to any place and not have to worry about who you may or may not see? You need to be in a place with your life where you feel good about you, are OK with knowing that you had some unsuccessful attempts at long term relationships or even friendships, and are ready to keep your best foot forward. If you are there, you don’t need to try any of the options above. You can simply face anyone with a smile, exude confidence and show the world life doesn’t get you down and there is no need to hide.

If you would like the opportunity to talk more about getting you back to your happy place, give us a call!

By Kimberley Ann, for Invitation Only Matchmaking